If the NSA Watched Me On the Internet...

M: Why I'm pretty sure most of you guys south of the border don't need to be too panicked about this whole NSA watching every move you make online thing.

L: What the fuck...this is totally normal. I mean, not the Nordstroms part, that place is WAY over my budget, but Amazon...now that place I can afford. Honestly though, there are far worst things I do on the internet...I mean, whaaat?

Who You Callin' Grumpy?

M: I love Grumpy Cat (aka Tardar Sauce) so much that I collect him (or is it her? Whatever.). I may or may not also get called "Grumpy Cat" a lot at work. Whatever. I'm a little ray of fucking sunshine.

M: Except in Twilight when it didn't kill the 

vampires; just made them sparkle disturbingly.

M: You do not understand the meaning of the phrase 

"not a morning person" until you've tried to talk to me before 11am.

M: Good movie, though.

M: NOPE.

L: Grumpy Cat has a name?! Wtf. *mind blown* 

It Takes Talent

M: It's true, people do admire my ability to complain. All the time. About EVERYTHING. Seriously, ain't none o' y'all got skills like me.

L: So that's why complaining comes so damn easily. Seriously, if there's was a complain-athon, we'd totally win the shit out of it. We're awesome.

Cookies. Unforgettable.

M: And this is why I cannot buy Oreos anymore.

L: Oh my gawd, now I want Oreos! Not the normal stuff either - give me those double-stuff Oreos. Which reminds me, I have a box of frozen cookies (aka: the best kind) that have been sitting in the freezer for months. Come to mama!

Don't Sass Me

M: Some people just don't take my morning=grumpy rule seriously. They learn. Quickly. (Also I have a total girl crush on Sloan Sabbath. If you haven't watched The Newsroom you should - and pay attention to this li'l firecracker.)

L: I think "sass" is a really underutilized word in my vocabulary. This needs to change cause I like the way it sounds. "Hi, I'm Lin and if you sass me, Imma punch you in the gut". Yep, I'm loving it already. Also, I used to think Olivia Munn was uber hot until she got all "I'm too good for my fellow nerds at G4"...now she's just...one night stand quality.

Owning a Pet is AWESOME.

M: So Lin recently got a puppy. I told her all about how awesome being a pet owner is, how you come to love the little ball of fur that now relies on you for everything and follows you around like a lovesick, scrawny, nerdy teenager who has never been talked to by a girl before. I told her how awesome it is when they curl up next to you on the couch and give you the ability to say you're not drinking alone without lying. What I didn't tell her:

L: That little turd would be out of the house so damn fast if she shit on my carpet. I gotta say though, her following me around like a lovesick teenager is so damn cute but sometimes so damn annoying. It's like I turn around and she's right there like a fucking stalker. Don't event ask how many times I've stepped on her paw by simply moving a quarter of an inch to the left or right. And the cost...holy fuck...goodbye weekend shopping sprees! *crying*

Damn You, Music!

M: This happens to me all. the. time. Today it's that "What Does the Fox Say?" song. You know, the really annoying one.

L: Which one?

     Oh...

      You mean this one...? *evil smile*

   

M: I hate you.